Things To Accept Now for a Better 2018

Hi there every one! Hope you are all having a Happy Christmas celebration regardless of your life circumstance. I was so busy with caroling duties and other tasks that I just feel tired afterwards. My schedule for blog posts is on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays but since it’s the holidays, my schedule just went ballistic that I’m having little sleep. So I  decided to temporarily postpone blogging. Anyway, everything will go back to regular programming tomorrow as I make another post for Tuesday. Keeping my fingers crossed for everyone!

What can we do to make 2018 a better year for us all? It’s a given that we can’t control the things that will happen to us in the future. However, I believe that no matter what happens,  we can focus on things that we have control over. Here are some things that we need to accept so that 2018 is  better for us all:

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  • You Have to Learn How to Receive

I have seen this when you give someone a gift and they say to, “You shouldn’t have bothered” , or in my native tongue of Tagalog, “Nag-abala ka pa“. Some people react negatively when they are being given something because they think they are being pitied upon.

Worse, some think that when you’re giving them something, it’s like a putdown for them and humiliating them. It’s like  you’re bragging and telling them in your face that , “It’s something you can’t afford that why I am giving you this. ”

I beg to differ in this case because when a person gives you something, included in that gift are their good intentions and happy thoughts for you. We should not say negative statements when we’re being given a gift like, “I don’t deserve this. ” Only two words are needed, and that is “Thank You.” I’ll be doing another blog post about this in the near future.

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  • Your Talents, Flaws, Warts and All Your Imperfections

We have to love everything about ourselves. The freckles that line our faces. That port wine stain that covers one side of your face. That beautiful brown skin you were born with. Your knack for playing the trombone. Anything.  I know it’s not easy especially when there are people who might not say good things about us. Yet, we should not be defeated and we must persist. People will always talk. Damn if you do, and damn if you don’t. We have to love ourselves: our perfections and imperfections.

Yet if there’s something you want to change about yourself, do it gradually or set realistic goals on how you can attain it.

  • That there will be people who will like us and there are those who won’t

We find ourselves wanting to be in agreement with every person we meet: at work, school, or at establishments. However, there will be times that there will be people whom you meet who are “tough nuts to crack”. They  will never be your friend no matter how hard you try even when you try to give them something.

Solution: Forgive that person or persons, and move on. Consider them as learning experiences so that you will know what to do next time. Instead, surround yourself with people who will love you unconditionally no matter what.

  • You Need to Get out of your Comfort Zone Once in a While

Yes, it always feels safe to be in familiar places, but you grow more as an individual when you face adversity. Yes, when you do things beyond your comfort zone. The choices are endless. For example, if you’re someone shy, try to ask help someone to help you gain self-confidence. I have social anxiety and sometimes I get scared when meeting new people. Yet recently, I have been attending events that allow me to network with other people like this Blogapalooza event for bloggers and vloggers that was held at the City of Dreams casino.

I recently watched this video of a boy who stutters, yet he was able to give a speech with the help of his English teacher. I would love to be a teacher who helps a student accomplish their goals.

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  • You have to Forgive No Matter What

People will always make mistakes so it’s important that we learn to forgive. It’s always easy to have that revenge mentality.  We want those people who have hurt us feel the same pain as we did.   I recently finished watching Criminal Minds Season 11 and 12 over at iflix.com. My favorite character is Dr. Spencer Reid. The common thread I see in most cases is revenge for those people who have hurt them. Unfortunately, the criminals in the TV series usually end up hurting people who are not at fault. Revenge imprisons us and keeps us in the dark. This is what unforgiveness does to a person. Unforgiveness hurts those who are not directly involved in our anger. Anger that consumes them, all that plotting and planning that it disrupts work, and life, and relationships with people. A healthy way to deal with anger at someone is to confront the person involved and talk about it.

I know that it’s not easy, but believe, I recently had a hurtful experience that shook me. I got sick afterwards after having that altercation with that toxic person.  This is the reason why I wrote my last blog post Project Kindness. I have forgiven this person who hurt me, and moved on with my life.

Some may have objections about this, but I believe in the power of forgiveness. People who forgive have the power because this frees you from bondage from the person who hurt. For those  who may have experienced a deeper hurt, I am hoping that you can find someone you trust to tell, a support person. I want you to be healed from that hurt.

  • You Don’t Shun Love Away

The love that we know of is romantic love, the kind that thrills and excites us when we see the person we want to be with for the rest of our lives like being in a roller coaster. But what happens when that romance is all gone? For example, when both of you become old and frail, teeth falling out, and having uncontrolled bladders, will you still love each other? What will you do when you realize that a family member suddenly becomes temperamental due to an illness, will you give up? I am talking about agape, a kind of love that is unconditional, a love that accepts, and forgives no matter what .

Another point I must make is for those who have experienced a heart-break in their lives.  For example getting dumped or rejected. I have had that experience where I told a guy that I liked him, but he’d rather be friends. Well I got hurt at first, but I am glad I am still friends with him despite that. Why? It’s because we were friends from the start.

Another situation I had is from this guy who I really like so much, and it turns out that he’s gay. I wish he had told me that because I would have accepted what he said. I may get hurt, but yeah at least he should have told me. But that didn’t happen because the only thing he said to me was that he needed space.  I am yet to have closure with this guy because I never got the chance to talk to him about it. Every time I  go to this place, I see him there but you know it in your heart that he likes someone else because if he did really like me, he’d push for it and go after me. But he didn’t. End of the story.

What’s the point of these examples I have given? Choose love no matter what. If you have not experienced love at all from those who should give you love, then look for someone to love like those lonely people in the Nursing home near you, or your pet whom you consider family. I love my little bunny Earl Grey who is going to be three next year. I will go crazy without him. I find myself talking to him sometimes about things that happened to me. I call him Bunnyssissimus Dorsi and Floofster. Funny but true.

Earl Grey the bunny

If there’s someone who may be hinting at you, and you like them too, please, don’t be afraid and give love a chance. You have to give fate a hand.  For those who are lucky enough to find the love of your life, don’t be afraid to show them actions that express that love. I remember one of my teachers in school say that, ” Love must be felt. It must show in everything that you do towards others.” Let’s make things simple.  After all, love is not a noun but a verb, as country singer Clint Black puts it in his song entitled Love is Something that We Do

Gotta Give Away the Love Inside of You

I heard this Beatles song with the following lyrics and it goes, “Hey, you got to hide your love away. Hey you got to hide your love away.” I believe love is not a mere feeling. I think it’s more of an action. Love is not meant to be hidden. It’s suppose to be given away for all the world to see.  It’s seeing beyond the person who’s with you, looking out for them, caring for them.

I am proud of those people who try to make a difference in this world. It’s love manifested. I have seen a lot of people who join causes of all types. Animal lovers. Nature lovers and many more. Usually these people are passionate about the work they do. For example, if you’re an environmentalist who doesn’t want nature to be spoiled, or polluted, you’ll do your best to create an awareness. Then you’ll be going to the beach, picking up all the trash there. Then you’ll invite people to join you and help you clean up the shoreline.

Now the question is, what do you do if you have not received that love at all? Well there is a tendency to keep to ones self, and hide. Psychology calls this a defense mechanisms, and there are a lot of them actually which I will talk about in the near future. Defense mechanisms protect people from harming themselves further. Some will even have to see a doctor in order to feel alive. Regardless, we all need to love and to be loved in return even if we’re broken.

There will be a time wherein that love given away is not returned. Some may feel sad when this happens. But it’s ok. Don’t let other people’s negative feeling stop you from showing love.  Don’t let their actions affect you. Keep on loving anyway. Show that unconditonal love that you have for others.

But what about those who are looking for it, who are longing for it? The answer is to look for a person who you can look up to as a role model of love. An example of this would be to visit workers in a shelter and asking them how they show love. Then volunteer in a shelter and take care of the animals there. It doesn’t matter  if it’s a dog or a kitty cat. I am amazed to see Youtube videos of animals whose humans have love them so much like dogs crying when they recognize their humans who went away for a long time.

Here are other examples: (You may have other examples as well)

Talk with people working in a hospice or nursing home

Ask advice for a mentor or a person whom you trust the most and can give you solid advice

Volunteer to take care of a stray kitty who needs feeding every two hours (or whatever is advised)

I hope you find the love that you’re looking for. Don’t be afraid to show that love now so that you won’t have regrets.

 

 

 

Love Yourself Now

We have things we worry about the way we look and the list goes on and on an on. The complaints are usually with regards to the way we look. Aside from that, there’s also this tendency to compare ourselves to others, and say like:

“Oh she’s taller than me”

” Oh he’s more handsome than I am”

“She/he is popular than I am.”

“I wish I can play music like her.”

“I wish have hips that are narrow.”

“I wish I was slim like her.”

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First of all, I think we need to accept that we have our own strengths and weaknesses. No one is exempted from that. Even those who seem perfect may still have some things to worry about themselves. But that is not the point I am trying to say. What I want to say is for you to love the you who you see now with no conditions. I believe that there is one positive thing you have that others don’t have.

Instead of  belittling yourself, think what good there is inside of you, and love yourself. Accept all that you are, warts and all. It may be big feet, big ears, big nose, too tall, too short, ears that stick out, skin that’s light, skin that’s too dark. You will find people who will love you no matter what.

Some may consider plastic surgery.  I don’t stop you from pursuing that. But make sure that after you get that surgery, you should promise to be kind to yourself. Yes there will be times you’ll feel at a loss or downcast. Just think of that one good thing that you have, and surely you’ll get back on track. Even after you’ve had that surgery, never forget that one good thing that you have in you. Don’t forget to share that love to others. After all, love is not  a noun, it’s a verb. It’s something that you do for others. It’s all something that you do for yourself. Who else will love you if you don’t start to love yourself?

I remember Jack Ma, founder of alibaba.com who failed so many times in his life. Imagine getting rejected from all companies you applied for. What could have happened if he gave and didn’t start to love himself? He could have succumbed and say to himself, “You good for nothing nitwit”. But he didn’t do that. He went on with his life.  That’s what I loved about him, he kept on pursuing his dream because he loved himself. He knows he is a man who has value and worth. Now he’s one of the richest men in the entire world.

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That is my challenge for you: TO FIND THAT ONE POSITIVE THING ABOUT YOU AND LOVE YOURSELF FOR IT. ARE YOU UP FOR IT? Start to love yourself now. Not tomorrow. Not next week but now.  More love to you dear reader!

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Photo Credit:
Feature image photo from oprah.com

Pinterest photo link

Loving Yourself homean.me quote

Loving Yourself quote Pinterest Anxious Behavoir  link

Photo of Jack Ma link

 

 

Learning to Love Y-O-U

 

by Liza Benetua

Learning to love yourself is the hardest thing to do in the world. Why? Our human nature acts as a double edged sword: it can protect you or maim you. Most of the time our human nature hurts us in the process because  we tend to compare ourselves with the person beside us. Our neighbor next door has the greener pasture while our pastures are next to nothingness.  The girl at school wears prettier clothes than you. Your coworker at the office gets noticed more than you do.

How in the world are we going to conquer this tendency to berate ourselves? I remember this scene from a Walt Disney Movie called The Great Mouse Detective. The movie shows the mouse versions of Sherlock Holmes, in the form of mouse detective called Basil. On the other hand, Dr. Watson’s mouse version is a mouse doctor called Dr. Dawson.  It’s when Basil and Dr. Dawson tails  Fidget, a bat who works for archnemesis Ratigan. They thought they have succeeded upon seeing the little mouse girl named Olivia inside a wine bottle. Turns out it’s Fidget in disguise. Basil and Dr. Dawson fell into Ratigan’s snare to trap them. Next scene shows the genius Basil moaning, and belittling himself for the mistake he has done because he had not seen right through Ratigan’s schemes. To cut a long story short, the two have to save themselves because Ratigan has decided to get rid of them. Ratigan’s human counterpart in the Sherlock Holmes movie is Dr. Moriarty.  Here’s a video I found at Youtube to emphasize my point:

(Credit video Youtube by Ems co)

In short, if you have made a poor life choice, or if circumstances are not great for you right now, you should learn how to do the following:

  1. Forgive yourself for the mistake that you have done
  2. You have power over your mistakes. You can overcome them
  3. Learn to love yourself, your flaws, your imperfections. Everything. For examples, if in your family, you have big legs, learn to love them. Tell yourself, ” I have strong legs. I can walk because of them. “
  4. From my previous blog about getting out of the rut, you can get out of anything that you got yourself in trouble to begin with
  5. Love whatever you have right now. Overcoming your circumstances begins by lovingly accepting them, and admitting that they are currently happening in your life. Afterwards, think in your mind that ” This situation I am in is not my permanent situation. Surely, everything will come to pass.”
  6. Make a list of positive traits you have. Right column will list all your strengths. What are you good at? What good qualities do you have?
  7. Make a list of negative traits you have. This will make you aware of your weaknesses. Remember, we can overcome any weakness in our life.