It’s not easy to go through life especially if your heart’s got broken. It doesn’t matter how long it has been since that gut wrenching experience. Days. Months. Even in years for some. It gets worse around the holidays where everyone is merrymaking. That’s when the blues become more evident. Laughing on the outside, dying on the inside moments.
There are those whose lives are in autopilot mode after such harrowing event. I got my heart broken when I told some guy at work that I like him, only to find that he doesn’t like me back. It’s a good thing that we started as friends, and ended up as friends even when that happened.
What are you suppose to do when this happens then? I remember Dr. Phil McGraw from Oprah’s show. He has this book called Life Strategies. He says that, “people do what works for them.” In short, people will always try to figure out how to survive a broken heart no matter what. But it takes time.
I am not dictating you as to what you will do when one day this heart breaking moment happens. What I can do is merely suggest. In my opinion, I think we humans all need a template on how to live your life. A guide that one can follow. Here are some suggestions on how you can mend that broken heart when it happens:
ACCEPT THAT IT HAPPENED TO YOU, THEN GRIEVE
I just think that this is the first step towards healing. Accepting the fact that it happened to you.
Yes, you have to process what happened to you. You have all that emotions buried up inside. Let that out. I remember from a movie called Girl, Interrupted that stars Whoopi Goldberg as Nurse Valerie, Winona Ryder who plays Susana, and Angelina Jolie who plays manipulative Lisa. There was a point in that movie when Susana comes up to Nurse Valerie and says to her, ” How am I suppose to recover when I don’t understand my disease?”. Nurse Valerie says to her that she write it down in her diary, and not keep it inside of her.
I think we can follow Elisabeth Kubler Ross theory on the Five Stages of Grief which includes:
DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, and ACCEPTANCE.
I find the grief.com website helpful. They explained in detail her theory. You may check out the website HERE.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU AND WHOM YOU TRUST AND DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Yes, surround yourself with friends and people who matter to you. Find people people whom you trust to talk to. Remember you are loved. We are social beings, and we are meant not to be by ourselves. We need the company of other people. If you have a pet whom you love, you can talk to them. I talk to my pet bunny Earl Grey when I feel sad sometimes.
YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING, WONDERFULLY MADE
You are worth it all, in spite of your imperfections, weaknesses. We are made up of our strengths, talents, flaws, warts, moles and all. Love them all. It’s what makes you you.
THINK OF THE HEARTBREAK AS A LIFE LESSON
Once it happens to you, don’t let the experience stagnate you or pull you down. Move forward. I think the best quote for this is from the movie Finding Nemo wherein Dory says, “Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming.”
At this point, you may think things like “What have I done to make this happen?” If you did something that caused it to happen, forgive yourself. We all make mistakes even when we don’t want to. Blaming yourself too much or another won’t help at all heal your broken heart. It’s just going to worsen it.
FORGIVE THE PERSON WHO HURT YOU
There’s this mentality that if you forgive the person who did you wrong, it’s like you’re letting them off the hook. I don’t think so. You’re forgiving the person because when you do so, you have power over your situation. You are the one in charge of your life when you forgive, and not the other way around.
I know it’s not easy to do so when that person really said or did something nasty or horrible that you are left speechless. I know that it will take time, and I am not forcing this on anyone who has underwent terrible circumstances.
However, as much as possible, I will still encourage to forgive. When you forgive, you release yourself from the bondage of that person who has wronged you. It’s easy to fall into the snare of revenge, but all that will bring is more pain to you. THE ONE WHO FORGIVES HAS THE POWER. YOU CHOOSE TO BE A BETTER PERSON.
This is the hardest part. How do you move on? Here are some things I suggest that will help you process this, and to get on with your life:
- Focus on things that matter to you. It can be anything like your hobbies, your job, or causes or anything that interests you. I like the concept of adult coloring books ( or even if it’s a child’s coloring book that you’re using). Even for a monent, it allows you to focus on what needs to be done. You have control on what color you will use.
- Remove yourself from situations that remind you of what happened to you. Yes, it’s easy to watch those movies (usually romantic flicks) that have a similar vibe to what you have experienced. If it proves to be a trigger that you become trapped, get away from it. Period.
- Sometimes, memories will linger. I know it’s not easy to forget those times you were together, but then again, reality check. You’re no longer together anymore. So get back on track and start to make your life better now.
- If you’re someone who loves to write or draw, why not do a creative journal about your life experiences. You can use photography or vlogging as a channel to express this. But who know you might find more ways to move on. It’s all about introspection.
- Spend more time with people you love. What are some common things that you and your friends enjoy?
- Do a personal inventory yearly and ask yourself, “What are you good at?”. I bet you can find an answer to this every time.
I leave you with inspiring words from Elisabeth Kubler Ross. Remember you are worth it all. You are loved.
Credit (Link url):
Girl Interrupted photo link
Elisabeth Kubler Ross model
Elisabeth Kubler Ross quote from https://i.pinimg.com/